Sincerely, Emilie

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July 19th, 2014

I’ve honestly never been in so much pain in my life. Nine hour slumbers quickly turned into short, two to three hour naps throughout the night. Dreaming about you is the worst because I don’t ever want to wake up to reality. My heart beats heavily and slowly throughout the morning. My stomach churns with agony and emptiness throughout the afternoon. Why did you leave me? I keep going back and forth between hating you and wanting you back, but I can never hate you. Your name truly and honestly breaks my heart. I ask myself when this “relationship” went sour. Maybe it was because I always joked around and never gave you genuine compliments. Maybe it was because I was too happy while you were too sad. You are a broken man, after all. However, I thought that I could be the one to fix you because I desperately want you to be happy. I want you to be happy with me.

It’s been a week since we last spoke and I’m going through withdrawals. The problem with me is that I get attached to easily; it is my tragic flaw. Often times, I put up a front and fool people into believing I am strong and independent. I may come off as that at first, but when love strikes my body and mind, all defenses get taken down until I am left in shambles. Finally, my heart is open and vulnerable.

Social media does not help the situation either. I’m always checking up on you to see what you’re up to, what’s going through your mind, and sadly, if you’ve already moved on to someone else. I try so god damn hard not to. Part of the reason is because I don’t want to be another girl on your list. I want to be special to you. I looked passed all the girls you dated. I looked passed all the girls that you talk to when we were together (friends or not, I do not know). I looked passed all of the rumors and the reputation that preceded you. I looked passed many of your flaws. I gave you reasonable doubt and hope that you meant what you felt toward me. 

Contrary to popular belief, I was supposed to be the one to dump you. Instead, you dumped me. I should have left you first so that you could crawl back to me like you did your former girlfriends. 

I can’t stop crying and my heart won’t stop inflicting pain on me. Although others say that I miss the idea of being in a relationship and receiving affection, I’ve come to terms that I do miss that. However, I’ve also come to terms that I don’t want to spend those same moments with anyone else but you. 

All I can do is wait, lay on my bed, and hope that you talk to me soon because I need you.

Betrayal is the worst pain anyone could experience.

finding someone from your orientation on twitter and realizing their popular… 16K and counting followers whut.

Confession

I had a confession to make, and I did it. The response was lackluster, abrupt, and he brushed off my words like they hadn’t been said. At first, I felt numb. Now, I’ve been overwhelmed with abhorred emotions that slowly manifested my brittle, little heart until it completely crumbled toward the earth. Why does love hurt so much? Is what I am even feeling considered love? Or is it some twisted and disgusting perception of infatuation that left a lingering bitterness in my mouth? Thinking about how I can’t have you brings tears to my eyes. Thinking about how I will never have an excuse to see you everyday makes the broken shards of my heart sharp with dissatisfaction as my feet mercilessly and hopelessly drag across the littered ground and become wounded. How silly of me to expect a soap opera. How foolish of me to expect you too feel the same. How naive of me to even think of having a chance with you when you want her. 

You’re the weakness that you used against me.

miss-shoppaholic:

Message me for a PROMO to 66k! :) 

It hurts me to see you fawning over that girl. We’re friends. We’ve been friends for 5 years. I’ve liked you for the past year. However, I’ll step aside for you to be happy because I am not about to let 5 years friendship be ruined by feelings. I’ve got too much to lose - you. When I finally muster up the courage and when I’m sure that we will never cross paths again, I will tell you.

I just don’t want to lose what we have now, but it hurts so much.

miss-shoppaholic:

Message me for a PROMO to 62k! :) 
lookbookdotnu:

CACTUS HANGS. (by Rachel-Marie Iwanyszyn)